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George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian. He was also an actor and author, and he won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.
Carlin was noted for his black humor as well as his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects.
In the process of making his comedy, he’s pissed off a lot of people and accumulated some of the funniest, and most controversial, quotes known to man. Even a list of 101 quotes is just scratching the surface. In no particular order here are his 101 best…

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It's easy and cheap!
  1. Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
  2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
  3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
  4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter"
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