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It's easy and cheap!
  1. Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
  2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
  3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
  4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside. Be right back.
Cooter"

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